"But to Hannah he [Elkanah] gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the LORD had closed her womb. And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her because the LORD had closed her womb." 1 Samuel 1:5-6 (ESV)

"She [Hannah] was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly. And she vowed a vow and said, "O LORD of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head." 1 Samuel 1:10-11 (ESV)

I've been Hannah, a God-fearing woman ready and desperate for a child, who had watched everyone around her become pregnant and secretly kept score on whether or not they deserved it more than me. I had made my vows, dedicated my future child to the Lord, prayed, and waited not so patiently - and yet, unlike Hannah, even after I prayed and promised, my womb remained empty.

So, in seasons of my life, these passages of scripture were especially hard to read and reconcile with my understanding of a good God. I was ready to see this story as the equation or recipe for a baby. The Lord answered Hannah's prayers. So, why wasn't it working for me? Why could those I deemed unworthy of motherhood become pregnant, and I couldn't?

I believe it's because I wasn't wrestling with fertility; I was wrestling with fairness - is the God I serve fair, and what do I do with my Christian faith when life is unfair?

The answer is no; God is not fair. And I have never been more thankful that He is not. Fairness is a childhood concept we pick up on the playground when we learn about sharing and caring, taking turns, and reading the book about the little red hen and her lazy friends. Fairness is not the Gospel.

If we got the fairness we think we want, we would be the ones hung upon a cross dying for our sins. Romans 6:23 (ESV) says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." We would be held accountable for our complete inability to measure up to a holy God. Romans 3:23 (ESV) says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." We would be found guilty, with no advocate, and sentenced to an eternity in hell, separated from the Father.

No, God is not fair, and this story of a woman's desperate prayer is so much more than a recipe for getting what you want.

Hannah's willingness to offer up her son was both a call back to Abraham's sacrifice and a foreshadowing of the Messiah.

Abraham was asked in Genesis 22:2 to sacrifice his son: "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you." (ESV)

Isaac is the son God promised and provided to Abraham. He is supposed to be the beginning of his lineage, which was to be as numerous as the stars and the sand. This sacrifice made no sense, and yet Abraham still chose to surrender. Abraham was willing to trust God with every detail of his future, no matter what it looked like. Through his faith, God's promises were fulfilled.

Hannah was alive when child-bearing was the sole purpose of a woman's life. To be barren would have been incredibly shameful. For years, as she endured ridicule and torment, Hannah's prayer to become a mother would have been the loudest cry in her heart. Then, she goes before the Lord and surrenders her greatest desire. She made the Lord her priority over her purpose, her prayer, and her pregnancy. He became the focus and out of her surrender, we see her prayers change. In chapter 2, her prophetic prayer begins.

Both of these acts required tremendous faith; the belief that no matter the circumstances, only God could provide, is evident.

The same was and remains true in God sending Jesus to sacrifice for the world. It wasn't fair. Jesus was blameless, pure, and perfect. He did not deserve death - we did - and yet, The Lord is an unfair God who chose to send His son in our place.

"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation [atoning sacrifice] for our sins." 1 John 4:10 (ESV)

Now, when I look back on these passages, I do not see them as a recipe or promise for a child; I see an unfair God who chose His fallen children and still gives them a choice of surrender.

So, what do we do when life seems unfair - when wombs don't open, even though every box is checked?

We can surrender our idea of what fair really is, remind ourselves of what we really deserve, and praise the One who gave it all so we can be reconciled back to God's presence.

For Further Study:
Hannah and Abraham - The NIV Application Commentary
Hannah and Jesus - Echoes of Scripture in the Gospels by Richard B. Hays
Hannah and Jesus - Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes by Kenneth E. Bailey The Bible Project